Sry I called you an 8
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
