Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
