is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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