there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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