why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
