I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
My day in three words: secret purse cake
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize