hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
