I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
