i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Thank you for not boning my boss.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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