is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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