to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
