i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
