I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
