After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
