He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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