Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
