So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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