My nipple is on Facebook.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
