and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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