I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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