Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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