i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
