Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
