i wish semen tasted like chocolate
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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