We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
