i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
you will always have a special place in my vag
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
