suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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