I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
