YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
handjob tips. give me some.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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