I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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