I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
