Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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