matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
