Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
