i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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