I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
