they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
