yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
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