i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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