You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
