i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
