I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
