Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
