Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
