Apparently you make a good broom.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
May the power of my ass compel you!!
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
