so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
