Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
