I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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