So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
