apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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