He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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