im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
