I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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