you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
