He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
