I feel like abortions should bother me more
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
