he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
