I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
