Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
