Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
