Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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