I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Randomize
