Sorry, I don't speak sober.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
