So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize