it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
