so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
