I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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