i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
